so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
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