I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
