I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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