woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
