I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
