I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
