I just made out with a guy for $7.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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