hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
