Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
