I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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