He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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