Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
