pop tarts are not kleenex
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
