just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
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