isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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