Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
