Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
