Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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