stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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