Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
