is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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