I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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