Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Randomize
