hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
