is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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