I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
