dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
