woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
