I wish life had little blips of pornography
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
