A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
