I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
