Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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