I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
