I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
