Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
