so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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