this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
