You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
