We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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