can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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