barbara walters just said penis...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Enjoy the penises
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
