May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cut my penus on the lid.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
