Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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