Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
