Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
