If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
