I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i think im in europe. pls send help
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
