Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
