What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
