she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think people are normalizing furries
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
