We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
