i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
