You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
