I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
