I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
