sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
