Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
